In counseling couples, I often find that people bring conflicts into their marriages that have evolved from childhood. Those childhood issues inhibit their ability to share and have their marriage evolve into a healthy unit.
Often, people marry unresolved aspects of their parents. People sometimes need help in being able to communicate more clearly and freely, and to resolve conflict in a healthier way. Sometimes, married couples have unrealistic expectations of each other, and they are fighting battles that are years old.
I work with divorced adults as they attempt to reorganize their lives, share their children, and try to find happiness within a subsequent relationship – or descend into a depressed isolation, or choose the wrong partner in the subsequent relationship.
Through psychoanalysis, I’m able to help people not make the same mistakes they’ve made over and over again.
With families, there are issues around raising children, about plans for the future, about disappointments; for example, they don’t have the career they wanted, their spouse doesn’t make enough money, they’re not keeping up with the Joneses, or they’re disappointed in their children because their offspring aren’t living up to their expectations and dreams.
Parents have a difficult time if their children have learning disabilities, have a physical handicap, are not as bright or as athletic as they wish them to be; this causes the family to break down into unhealthy conflict or isolation.
Families also have difficulty attempting to balance work and leisure time. They also struggle with their children’s exposure to gaming, as well as to alcohol, tobacco and drugs.
I work with families to discover and address the root causes of their unhappiness.
I worked with a woman who was the youngest child in her family. Her parents had tremendous conflicts; the father had wanted the mother to abort this child – he didn’t want another child – and the mother told the daughter.
Never close to her father, the woman married a man who had an alcohol problem, and she had a few affairs with married men – compulsively and repeatedly choosing men who couldn’t commit to her.
Her case illustrates how issues stemming from childhood get played out through your entire life unless you’re able to come to terms with them. Through psychoanalysis, she was able to understand and deal with her compulsion and the pain it created for her.
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